kitchen1.jpgO.M.G., you’ll never guess what.  I’m super freaked out right now.  I can hardly breathe.  Okay, so, I get back from Sydney on Sunday and I look out the window of my plane just before we were supposed land and Ottawa had completely disappeared.  It was like totally gone!!!!  I thought Daddy was playing another trick on me, but then the nice stewardess lady told me it was just really, really foggy.  THAT was just the beginning.

So then nobody was at the airport to drive me home and I still couldn’t see anything anywhere except that creepy white fog that made my hair go all frizzy.  Okay? So then I started to cry.  Really hard. Then after a while a nice man came over and asked me what was wrong and I told him all about nobody being here to pick me up and my frizzy hair and the fog and all and so he found a limo for me and helped me get my bags and put me in the limo and everything.  I tipped him $50, but he wouldn’t take it and just smiled and told me to get home safe. Wasn’t that just the nicest thing you ever heard of?

BUT. I’m sitting in the limo then and thinking how I was just about the luckiest girl in the whole wide world.  Then we get to my house and the limo driver brings my bags in for me and everything so I tipped him the $50 and he kept it.  He looked a lot poorer than the nice man at the airport though, so that’s okay.

So I get in and of course go looking for Daddy right away, but I can’t find him anywhere – not in his den, not in the livingroom, not in the parlour, not in the library, not in the pool, not in the conservatory, not in his suite, not in the diningroom, not in the recreation centre, not in the gym, not in the cinema, not in my suite, not in any of the guest rooms or bathrooms or anywhere.  So then I’m getting super-tired from all the running around and I can’t figure out where all the staff is either. So then I hear a noise from behind these double doors at the back of east wing where I’d never been before. It sounded like some people were fighting in there, so I thought maybe it was a new TV room or something and maybe Daddy was watching some movie, so I skipped in with a big smile on my face and O.M.G.!!!!

I don’t know if I can even talk about it.  The room, first of all was super crazy with a lot of dishes and knives and pots and a super lot of appliances and this big tabley thing right in the middle. I’ve never seen anything like it.  It was like some creepy science fiction movie or something.  But the absolute most worst thing of all was that on that big tabley thing was…was… Daddy!!! And he was naked!!!!

Wait.  There’s even more bad stuff.  Under Daddy was a naked lady and the two of them were humping away like mad.  They didn’t even see or hear me standing in the doorway, like, completely and totally horrified. Like… gross or what?

Ya, that was enough already to probably scar me for life, but the… then… then… the worstest of the worst thing of all.  No.  I can’t even say it.  But I have to. 

Naked Daddy and the naked lady flipped over for some more humping action.  So, they flipped over and then I could see the naked lady a lot better. And that naked lady who was humping my naked Daddy in the super-creepy appliance room was… (o.m.g.) Shagatha!!! O.M.G!!!! I’m going to totally hurl…………………………..