April 2, 2008
My Super New Government Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Empty Shell under Deep Thoughts from Empty Shell | Tags: PSAC, bilingualism, federal public service, hot administrative assistants |So, if you don’t know, in 2005, I graduated from Madame Viviane’s school in Switzerland, one of the things we had to do was make a resume and send it out to actual job places. Of course then I never really wanted a job, but lately I was getting kind of bored of shopping and stuff and all the people I respect, like, have jobs, so in my head I started to wonder if maybe I should get a job, you know? Does that ever happen to you?
And then the most weirdest thing ever happened! It was like fate or something, but a couple of weeks ago I get a call from this government place where I had sent my resume just before I graduated and they said they had “processed” my application and could I come in for an interview? So, okay I went and everything and they asked me some stuff, but I didn’t know what they were talking about, but then they asked me could I speak French and I said, “sure”, so I got the job!!! Yipeeeeee!!!! Can you believe it?
So, okay, I started working on March 17th which was super-cool because right away I get a 4-day weekend. And, I’m a manager of something (I forget the exact name). Isn’t that just totally awesome? Daddy was totally shocked when I told him!! I get a pretty nice office and an “administrative assistant”, which I think is like a secretary, except she’s a boy and super-cute. (His name is Jean-Louis) The only problem was my computer ‘cause it’s soooooo totally old. I bought my own, but then all the government stuff wouldn’t work on it, so I had to go back to the old one, but so far I haven’t had to do anything with it anyway except answer a few emails from my friends (who are totally jealous of my job, by the way).
So far I’ve filled out a super huge bunch of forms (On paper!!! With a pen!!!) about my name and address. I mentioned they already had all that stuff from my resume, but they just looked at me funny. It’s kind of boring to do all those forms, so I got Jean-Louis to do them.
Then some guy came to see me and I know it sounds super weird, but I think he said his name was “Pee-Sack”??? Does that make any sense? Anyhow, he tried to get me to join some club called Union or something, but I tried to politely decline because I’m already pretty busy at the country club and they wouldn’t like it if I joined somewhere else. But then the guy said I had to join and I had to pay dues, like every month!!! And he got kind of mean about it when I kept saying no thank-you. And then I started to cry a little because he was sort of smelly from cigarettes and had a long grey pony-tail and a really horrible outfit (saggy jeans and a kind of old, old t-shirt) and he was really starting to scare me.
Then he gave me more papers and told me I’d better fill them out and sign them and join his union club or I’d never have any way of knowing when I was unhappy with my job and I wouldn’t be allowed to go along every three years when all my coworkers stood around in front of the building with picnic signs smoking and yelling at kids and old ladies who walked by.
The whole thing was super HORRIBLE!!!!! I got Jean-Louis to call Daddy right away and our lawyer came over and wrote a letter for me to send to that awful Pee-Sack man and so I don’t have to join his club. Phew! Can you imagine?
So anyway, the rest of work is super fun. Every day we find some nice places to go for coffee in the mornings and a bunch of us girls (and Jean-Louis) are finding all sorts of super fabulous little places to go for lunch. After, we shop for a while and then… back to work we go!!
Sometimes we have meetings and someone else’s administrative assistant writes down everything that happens and everything that everybody says and then sends it to us later and it’s so much fun because it’s like a little book and I’m in it!!!
So, I hope you all have super tons of fun at your jobs, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 2, 2008 at 8:13 am
Most proud of you Shelly. Shouldering your burden, keeping the trains running. Pip-pip and all that. Jolly good show!!!
Must spin away… turning, turning… Exciting new project… can’t breathe a word…
April 2, 2008 at 9:00 am
Shelly, that’s amazing that they let you do that AND they pay you too. What do you buy with all your working-girl money?
April 2, 2008 at 10:28 am
Pay? What do you mean - pay me? Silly Chaise. Nobody is going to pay someone to socialize and chat on the computer all day. I had to pay them! I had to write out a blank cheque made out to a guy named Void, so I don’t even know how much it’s going to cost yet, but it will be worth it, no matter what. Silly Chaise
April 2, 2008 at 11:20 am
Empty, I’m so impressed! Those jobs must be few and far between in Ottawa…
April 2, 2008 at 11:58 am
Ohhh! You might be right Elfy because my work place is, like, totally full of managers like me and nobody ever dreams of leaving. They do complain that they don’t have enough staff, though, so maybe if someone wanted a job as staff in the government they could be that instead???
April 3, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Elfy, I have a job for you. You can be top supreme manager of the alley and all its cats.
Then you can join my union, the Absinthe Drinking Union. There are no dues except you have to buy when it’s your turn, as I know you will agree is only right and fitting.
I wonder who we can get to be your assistant. Any ideas?
April 3, 2008 at 8:35 pm
That’s a great idea Foxy!
Maybe our charming mayor will be in need of a job soon. He could assist me with my work as top supreme manager, right? He could do my booze runs and such? I wouldn’t tip him though. That’s not part of the job.
April 3, 2008 at 9:50 pm
It would be good for Mayor Larry to get some real-life experience Elf. And if he wants a tip, he’s just going to have to understand that zero means zero.
April 4, 2008 at 8:38 am
Zero means zero. Hah. That’s a clever catch phrase for politicians who can’t do math. Or run a city.
No tips for you, Larry!
April 4, 2008 at 9:35 am
but! but! but! but!
April 4, 2008 at 9:50 am
No buts!!
April 4, 2008 at 10:37 am
I just don’t think you’ve noticed how humble I am now, Mr.Elf, sir. But I’m a lot more humble than I used to be. I don’t even know why anybody voted for me back then, I was such an arrogant blowhard. But that was way back then, Mr.Elf, sir. This is the new Mayor Larry speaking. You’ll see.
Could I have a tip now please Mr.Elf supreme manager sir?
April 4, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I will give you a glass of Baby Duck and a single timbit. That’s all you get until you prove yourself worthy of something stronger.
But I want those kindness meters GONE, you hear me?
April 4, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Yes sir Mr.Elf, they’s gone! Oh boy timbit.