Shagatha is supposed to write profiles for all of us, but she doesn’t seem all that motivated. I’ve written my own, and suggest the rest of you do likewise.

People think it’s easy being furniture, but it’s  not. They think a chaise just lounges around all day, with not a care in the world.

I say try it for a day and see how you like it. After a few hours you’d make a deal with the devil just to get your freedom back.

GenieWhich is what I did, essentially. Only I wasn’t getting anything back because I was always a chaise, and it wasn’t the devil, it was a genie who escaped from a lamp and gave me three wishes.

My first wish was to be human. That’s when the genie said it’s a myth that genies have unlimited powers. Apparently they can only give you modified versions of your wishes. Who knew?

The genie gave me some human characteristics and powers: mobility, speech, vision, things like that. Yet I had to remain a chaise for all time. There was even a  clause that said if my owner ever found out about my human characteristics, I would lose all of them instantly.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how disappointed I was when I learned all that.

After an initial period of despondency, I realized  I was better off than I had been before, so I vowed to make the most of it.

At first I just stayed home, reading my owner’s books, surfing the net, and gazing out the window at the world down below on Bank Street. I didn’t dare go outside, in case my owner came home while I was out. 

Then  one day I convinced myself it wouldn’t hurt if I stepped outside for just a minute, just to air myself out a bit and feel the breeze on my fabric. I knew my owner’s schedule like the back of my — well, like the back of my back —  and she wasn’t due home for two hours.

So out I went, clippity-clop down the stairs and out into the raw glory of Bank Street! Oh how I love Bank Street! The shops! The smells! The derelicts! The elves!

Now I go out  almost daily, as soon as my owner leaves for work. Sometimes I even go out  at night, when she’s at yoga.  

I made my very first friends on Bank Street. Life is so much better when you get to go outside and meet your friends at the Usual Spot for emergency meetings and beer.

I just have to be very careful that my owner doesn’t find out. I stay in when it’s raining, because she’d notice if I got wet. Sometimes I smell a bit funky when I get home because Third Elf had a nap on me or Foxy peed on my leg. When that happens I just give myself a little once-over with the Febreze, and then I smell like Citrus and Light again.

And that’s my story so far…