Posted by Shagatha’s Personal Assistant

I risk Shagatha’s ire in doing this, but I want the public to understand the real Shagatha – to know her and love her the way I do. You see, deep, deep,deep down beneath the harsh, woman of iron, Shagatha is a scared,vulnerable child.

Shagatha was born into abject poverty, the 13th child of alcoholic parents who earned a living as thieves and professional shaggers. Tawny and Lance may not even have been her biological parents, but she grew up in their tiny, fetid shack surrounded by a gaggle of unkempt and unruly “family” members and a never-ending procession of horny strangers. Her siblings quickly went into the family business of thieving, drinking and shagging for money. Shagatha always felt she was destined for better things and ran away on her 12th birthday – the day she was expected to start contributing to the family coffers.

How this painfully small, thin child, with no formal education, survived on the streets is something that may remain locked in Shagatha’s mind forever. All I know is that at 17 she married one of the nation’s wealthiest restauranteurs. He was 82 and alas, died after only 8 years, leaving Shagatha very well off indeed. She never married again. The public saw her as a gold-digger who helped old Ted to the grave. But, one evening when Shagatha and I were relaxing in front of the fire, sipping some wine, she confessed to me that Ted had been the sweetest, kindest person she had ever known and that she had loved him with all her heart and had been completely shattered when he had died. If you could have seen her face…. It made me weep.

Since her widowhood, as we all know, Shagatha has shagged her way around the world both figuratively and literally, amassed untold wealth and become the hard woman we all love to hate. To me, though, she will always be my Shaggie – though of course, I’d never dare call her that to her face.