I am one sad elf. The beautiful Ms. Butcher thinks us fun-loving Irrelevants have no heart.

No heart! Can you imagine? I am so full of heart! Full right up to my little elfie ears! Sometimes, when I am scavenging the dumpster at Sugar Mountain, I come back to the alley with a whole jar of cinnamon hearts. I HAVE JARS OF HEARTS. Not many elves can say that.

But oh, I am troubled. How do I prove my heartfulness? My selfless kitty adoption? The fact that I liberate wallets from those who do not appreciate them? My sexy little elf tights? (I do not know what my elf tights have to do with my heart, but they DO make my bottom look excellent)

Lovely Ms. Butcher, Smut Specialist and Blogger Babe, I offer you this:

My Heart

That’s me, mostly naked, staring at my heart. See? That thing is HUGE!*

Irrelevants, we need another Emergency Meeting. If the lovely Ms. Butcher thinks we are heartless, than maybe the rest of blog-land does too. This must be rectified! We are lovers, not fighters! We are huggers, not biters! Except when we bite. And occasionally fight. But mostly, we just cuddle! (Shagatha, I’m excluding you here, because I know you would be horrified to be called a cuddler. You shag. There is no confusion on this matter.)

I’m going to go hold the kitties ever so gently. I need to do some soul searching. S-s-sad e-elf.


*You people are sick. My HEART is huge. That’s what I meant. My HEART.