Posted by Shagatha’s Personal Assistant

Shagatha demands that everyone stop speaking, writing, newscasting and blogging about the bloody weather. Shagatha does not like being constantly reminded of the lack of cooperation she is receiving from meteorologists who wilfully continue to arrange inclement weather. Shagatha dislikes inclement weather and dislikes even more, the endless chatter about this weather. Shagatha does not wish to see photographs of snow-covered streets. She is perfectly capable of drawing aside her drapes should she wish to view such an appalling scene. Henceforth, when speaking to Shagatha refrain from mentioning the word “snow”. “Rain” can enter a discussion only if the discussion is about equestrianism or royalty. “Heat” may only be mentioned if discussing animal husbandry or as a metaphor for human lust. (Shagatha enjoys discussing human lust and all its inherent divergences). “Cold” and “ice” must only be discussed in reference to foods and beverages. Shagatha believes that anyone not enjoying the weather should remain comfortably indoors and chat cheerfully of any number non-weather related topics, or take themselves quietly, and without further discussion, to more pleasant climes. For those of you who take great joy in exclaiming your love of abhorrent weather, Shagatha suggests that you abide by the same rules as you would for any other unnatural self-pleasuring: Keep your activities private, do not speak or boast of them, and clean up after yourselves.

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